My Body Bleeds
by annhanzal
Summary: "The regret in her eyes. This is not the commander. That's Lexa." -3x03 Clexa, last scene continuation
1. Love Is Weakness Ch1

**Chapter 1**

Clarke holds up her hand for the brunette,showing her the forgiveness that she has been asking for. She can't trust her completely,not yet. It's too soon. She is still trying to process this in her mind. She can't think straight.

 _I vow to treat your needs as my own_

The regret in the brunette's eyes. This is not the commander. Thats Lexa.

Lexa looks at the blondes hand,surprised. She accepts the invitation,and slowly touches her hand with her fingertips,then takes her hand and slowly stands up,looking down,not sure if she's capable of looking into those ocean blue eyes. She is broken.

 _If you betray me again.._

She is absolutely devoted,her soul feeling naked infront of the woman who's trust she has broken. Lexa has been raised to be a leader.

 _The commander never bows before anyone_

Putting her brain first,before feelings.

 _Love is weakness_

She opened up her heart for Costia,and what came out of it? She was tortured and killed because of her. Because she put feelings first. Her death was devastating for Lexa. She shut down her feelings,tried to hide them.

 _Not feeling pain and sadness makes for a good leader_

They stand few centimeters away,as Lexa lookes up into the blondes eyes. She is feeling really vulnerable at this moment. This is not right. She can't put Clarke in danger because of her feelings. She has been a great commander so far. Her enemies had no advantage over her,because she banned herself from feeling what could hurt her. She had no one they could use to break her. They do now.

Clarke stares into the commanders green eyes,it is so easy to get lost in them,is what she has learned a long time ago.

"I don't know what to say.."

"You dont have to say anything,Clarke." Lexa responds breathing out and locking her eyes onto the ground again.

"Look at me."

Lexa standing still,not moving a muscle.

 _I cannot put her in danger._

"I have to leave." She turns around and starts quickly walking towards the door.

"No,wait!" Clarke reaches out for the commander and grabs her by her elbow. Lexa turns to face her,but eyes still locked on the ground.

"Lexa.. Look at me."

Lexa can't take it after hearing her name leaving the blondes mouth,and looks up right into the ocean blue. The tension is building up. As Lexa decides that she needs to leave before she does anything that she could regret,the blonde stops her by cupping her cheeks into her palms. Her stare falls down on the commanders lips. Before Lexa could process whats going on,the blonde locks lips with her. It was a sweet and delicate kiss,but full of strong emotions.

 ** _Anger_..**

Clarke is running her palm over the commanders cheeks,neck.. exploring the smooth skin of the woman she has been holding hatred against for so long.

 ** _Relief.._**

She stops and pulls apart just for a second,just to take a breath. She quickly returns to tasting those sweet lips. Lexa is trying to fight,she knows that she has to put an end to this,but her fighting stays only in her head,she has to stop,but she can't let herself to do so. Why does this feels so right,she thinks..

 ** _Desire._**

Clarke wants more. She needs more. She starts to run her hand over the commanders neck,shoulders,and stops at her waist,grabbing her,pulling her closer. The blonde's nails dig into her side,making Lexa release a quiet moan. So quiet,almost impossible to hear,but the blondes senses are up in the sky right now and she is feeling,tasting and hearing every single bit of the woman she is so craving for. Lexa's heartbeat is rising,beating so fast,like her heart might burst out of her chest any moment.

 _Why does this feel so good? Why am I feeling so desperate to give my body,my soul to her?_

"I can't,I'm sorry." Lexa suddenly steps away. It took all of her strenght to do so. Her body was on fire,her knees weak,she touches her swollen lip as she tries to catch a breath,immediately missing the contact. She feels a warm tear falling down her face,at that moment she knew this was the only chance to leave. Clarke can't see her like this.

"Lexa,I.."

She turns around one last time and rushes out the door,leaving Clarke standing there,confused and broken.

* * *

Ugh,yeah,so.. this is it for now I guess:) Let me know if you like it,and if you want me to continue,i definitely have a lot of ideas for this story,and i would love to make them happen so leave a review,so i know if i should write more)) If i see that you like it,i might write another chapter tomorrow,bybye!


	2. Masta Ai OpFollow Me Ch2

**Chapter 2**

 **Translation: "As ju beja." - As you please. / "Skrish" - shit / "No,set daun." - No,calm down. / "Beja" - Please / "Masta ai op." - Follow me**

As Lexa entered her room, she settled on the corner of her bed. Her heartbeat hasn't slowed down at all,she's shaking. She makes a few steps, and catches on the side of her table, not trusting her legs to work properly. She has imagined kissing Clarke again after Mount Weather,but fantasies are way too far different from reality. She slips out of her armour, getting ready to go to bed, deciding that it would be better to sleep it off and think about what's next in the morning.

Light knocking on the door wakes the sleeping commander up, the first thing she sees as she opens her eyes is the sunlight coming through her window. There is a shadow under the door, so the knocking must have been real and not only in her head. It took her a long time to fall asleep, nearly 2 hours until her heartbeat slowed down at a normal speed, causing her body and mind to rest.

The events of yesterday's night hit her like a punch in the face, remembering all that has happened.

 _Oh my god._

She thought for a second that maybe it was all a dream, maybe a fantasy, that nothing really happened, that maybe she just fell asleep after the ceremony. But the little red nail marks on her waist proves otherwise.

"Commander, Wanheda is here and asking to see you."

No, she can't talk to her right now, she's not ready for that.

"Tell her that I'll meet her later, i don't have time right now, there are some things I need to take care of first." she shouts loud enough for her soldiers to hear, but not loud enough for Clarke that has probably been waiting one floor below to hear.

"As ju beja."

Her back hits the bed again as she takes the fur pillow over her face.

 _This is not good. Skrish._

 _"_ What do you mean, she doesn't have time?!"

Clarke tries to fight with two soldies guarding Lexa's room.

"Just let me in, okay? I need to talk to her."

"No, set daun."

As Clarke realizes that putting up a fight is pointless, she leaves back to her room.

Clarke walks into a dining room, it's huge, full of chandeliers with orange candles. She spots a long black wooden table, with about twelve seats, as her eyes adjust to the change of a light, she sees Lexa, sitting at the top of that table, laughing at something that Indra has said. There is also Titus sitting on a chair on Lexa's left. She leans against the closed door and just enjoys watching the beauty infront of her, the right corner of her lips twitches as she tries to hide a smile. No one has noticed her presence yet, but she doesn't mind, because she has no idea when she's going to see Lexa like this again.

When the commander looks up, she finally spots the blonde, staring right at her with a sweet loving look. The expression on her face suddenly changes, making Indra and Titus turn around, to what she's seeing.

"Klark kom Skaikru. Come, sit with us." Indra says breaking the sudden silence.

As Clarke accepts the offer, she walks over to the table, sitting down next to Indra.

The lunch is over, it was full of exchanging jokes, but only between Indra and Titus. It would actually have been a lovely lunch with her new allies, but seeing Lexa like this made her heart hurt. Her mood changed instantly, she was trying to laugh at their stories, but the sadness in her eyes was too obvious. As everyone starts preparing to leave the room, Clarke sits still on her chair, looking on her hands that were laid in her lap. She has got lost in her thoughts, ignoring her surroundings. Her body twitches a little, bringing her back to reality when she feels a hot breath on the back of her neck.

"Beja, meet me outside, in the horse stalls."

It has been about half an hour since lunch, and Clarke is making her way into the stalls. Realizing that she has no idea where they are, she asks an older woman that is sitting on a rosery porch, reading an old book with dark red leather cover.

"Yu laik Wanheda." the woman answers with a questioning look.

"Sha.. Can you just tell me?"

"You don't belong here Wanheda. You will only bring bad luck, and death into our lives." the fear and anger in her eyes.

"Clarke!" she hears a familiar voice that warms her heart every single time. She turns around to see Lexa standing few meters away, showing her that she's supposed to follow her. She looks at the woman one last time, then runs to follow the Commander's lead.

They continue on walking without a word until they reach the stalls.

"Take the white one, he's yours." Lexa says pointing at a beautiful big horse.

"It's because I'm blonde, right?" Clarke tries to make a joke, but receives no response, so she walks over to her horse, opening the gate that has been holding him inside.

"Where are we going?"

"You will see. I want to show you something. Take him outside"

They free their horses out of the gates and lead them infront of the stalls.

"Do you need help?" Lexa asks, as her hand brushes the horse's back.

"No I'm good, I have been on a horse before." Her answer sounding bitter on her tongue than she meant it to.

"Okay.. Masta ai op."

They were riding for almost 20 minutes until they reached their destination.

"Leave him here." They got down of their horses, Clarke tripping as she did. Lexa instinctively catches the blonde.

"Are you okay?" she asks in concern.

"Yes. Where are you taking me Lexa?" Clarke's voice not hiding the anger from not having answers.

"You will see."

They walk for a few minutes and stop near by the water. Clarke starts looking around. There is a lake with the purest water she has ever seen, small waterfall making soothing sounds, surrounded by sand and salt rocks, fallen green and yellow leaves from trees above them.

 _This is beautiful._

She notices a small cottage, few meters from the shore. Next to the cottage are two small trees holding a white swing. She watches Lexa as she walks over to the shore and sits down in the sand, taking her shoes off. Clarke follows her and does the same, both looking into the waterfall.

"I come here whenever my mind is heavy." Her sight not leaving the water.

"Anya had built it for me and.." Clarke looks up at Lexa, realizing that it's still hard for her to talk about this subject.

 _She probably used to take Costia here.._

 _"_ It was a perfect getaway. No one knows about this place, Clarke. So I count on you to-"

"Of course. I won't tell anyone." Lexa nodds, trying to create a small smile on her lips, but failing.

"Can we talk about-"

"Not yet. Enjoy the moments that have been given to you, Clarke. There will be time to talk later." After that, the blonde realizes that Lexa probably has nothing good to say to her, practically telling her "Enjoy now, bad comes later" But she tries to take her advice and concentrates on the fresh air and beautiful view that is this place, and the Commander next to her.

They continue on conversation, Lexa telling her some stories from when she was a child, about how she was raised, which Clarke enjoyed listening to, imagining the Commander of blood as this innocent girl, playing around with Anya and her childhood friends.

"Come. I want to show you the inside of my cottage, I have some paintings that I think you might enjoy." Lexa says already standing up.

As Clarke gets up on her feet, she didn't realize that her leg was numb and instantly falls. Lexa catches her in her arms,holding her above the ground.

"This happens to you a lot, doesn't it?" Small giggle leaving her lips as she's looking at the woman in her arms.

Clarke has to smile at the view infront of her, thinking that Lexa has never looked more beautiful than right now in this very moment. She stretches up her arm, hooking it behind the Commander's neck so she doesn't fall. They look into each other's eyes, the air getting thicker as Clarke's stare settles on the Commander's lips.

"Lexa.."

* * *

Ohh whoops,a cliffhanger,haha! okay,so it is 3am, i am waking up for school in 3 hours but i just had to finish this,because the feedback was absolutely amazing!:) thank you so much, I have big plans for this story,so dont worry, i am not planning on quiting it any time soon))  
You can ask me questions on my tumblr: lebaneseworld (for more contact info,visit my profile) - see ya on next chapter! xx


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